“…It’s a Cold and Broken, Hallelujah”

The carpet felt more like concrete, as I collapsed beneath the table and erupted into a violent explosion of salty tears and self-hatred. The world I had known was forever changed in the unraveling of my shame, finding a shattered mirror and a fist and a whisper, "wherever you go, there you are." Find me … Continue reading “…It’s a Cold and Broken, Hallelujah”

[S]easonal [A]ffective [D]isorder

there's a few things i'll always remember like the uncomfortable quiet of november and the way happy chases the ever after like a kite without anchor in a natural disaster all contacts deleted like a chorus repeated advice gone unheeded, and the champion defeated there's a few things i'll always remember like the frozen burn … Continue reading [S]easonal [A]ffective [D]isorder

Life and Death

I can still hear the doctor's voice, repeated in my head. "If your biopsy returns with evidence of cancer, you may have anywhere from two to ten years to live."A few days later, I received a voicemail from the doctor's office requesting me to come in for a consultation. I didn't get the message until … Continue reading Life and Death

let me be found in You

as a drop of water is lost in the oceanso is the flight of the alone to the Alonetake from me these november thoughtsof never enough and endless thirstreplace these tears with the solace of Your Presenceif it was all over tomorrowi've been nothing without Youif these lungs inhaled the sudden conclusionthe rapture from this … Continue reading let me be found in You

This Little Light – Jay DePoy

When my dad was a little boy, he used to wet the bed. One day he came home from school and the bus stopped in front of his house, and all of kids on the bus looked out the window and saw soiled bedsheets hanging from the clothesline, drying in the breeze.This is my story. … Continue reading This Little Light – Jay DePoy

Downtown Asheville Reflections, by Jay DePoy

A few days ago I took a walk through downtown Asheville. The winter rain left a visible fog, and although the temperature wasn't comforting, my love for this city kept me warm.I stopped and talked to Happy, who greeted me with his usual hug. He's lost weight, but the cancer can't take away his smile! … Continue reading Downtown Asheville Reflections, by Jay DePoy

Thoughts on Life and Death

Lately I've been thinking about my own funeral.No, I don't have plans to end my life, and I do not have a death wish. Whatever discouraging thoughts of depression or self-harm I may have wrestled with are usually chased away by the morning sunrise. I used to dwell on the fatalism of death by exposure, … Continue reading Thoughts on Life and Death