Helplessness and the Cross

Twenty-four hours removed from brain surgery, Ashlyn sleeps in her mother’s arms. She is still twitching in pain, breathing in the medication, as I watch the heart monitors flashing 184, unGodly high.
As a Father, I want to protect her! She wakes up every few minutes to look in my direction. Our eyes meet and she searches for a rescue from this pain. I gently rub her shoulders and tuck her hair behind her ears, “Shhh… it’s going be okay”. After she sobs, her breathing turns to a choppy, muffled surrender, and her eyelids close again.
The temporary pain she is going through now is only for a season. The surgical procedure will secure a deeper quality of living and a truer harmony between her mind and her body; the balance of desire and development. She will begin to walk with more ease, and her coordination will strengthen as she matures. If it were not for this [however painful] intervention, she would have succumbed to frequent falls, frustration, and physical weakness.
575567 10151508957460644 695020643 24277403 927309536 n1 179x300 Helplessness and the Cross

The cross is a stake through the heart, a painful transaction of justice and mercy. I scream out for deliverance, and my Father woos me to rest in the finished remedy. I reach for temporary medication to relieve this pain, and I wake up searching for an answer to the ever-illusive paradox. “Abba!” I scream, “Why have you abandoned me?”and he shushes me in a whisper, evidence of His immanence.The cross is a blade through the soul, a constant reminder that my old epistemological paradigms are no longer relevant. The old sacrificial system has been replaced by grace. Therefore, my scars of self-destruction have been healed by his scars of self-sacrifice.          I am not who I was. I am not who I was. I am not who I was.

One thought on “Helplessness and the Cross

  1. Our daughter went through 12 hours of General Anethesia, and 9.5 hours of actual surgery time on the 21st of March. We have been through the war and back a few times with her, and still are in a squirmish. I said prayers for your daughter and you all tonight. My heart goes out to you.

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