remembering to forget

a layover in chicago gives me time to think
about the unfairness of it all
jamie says
remember when ambria wouldn’t stop crying at her birthday party?
i shake my head
and the family video is on rewind
we’re all there gathered around two candles and a cake
and i’m watching myself
disengaged in the corner
absent in my presence
emotionally unavailable
oh there’s the dress that mariah wore to princess camp
jamie points at the fluffy sleeves in pink
and i can’t remember
when did mariah go to princess camp?
and yet another family video
chuck e cheese and the girls are laughing
i’m there in the video too
but, i don’t remember any of this
a layover in chicago gives me time to think
about the unfairness of it all
the calculated estimates: the last thing i remember was the week after my resignation
we showed up as a family to catholic central high school
for a family reunion
in a packed gymnasium
the moment we opened the door,
ambria puked all over her nursery dress
good timing, i thought
then ~ nothing
for
nineteen
damned
months
until we hit the north carolina border
snapping a picture as a family
hoping for a new chapter
while the haters had posted
inflammatory blogs about us being ‘driven from the land’
a layover in chicago gives me time to think
about the unfairness of it all

3 thoughts on “remembering to forget

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