ceiling without a star

joy to the world, they sing
i wilt in the back row
feeling closer to sylvia plath in her death
than Jesus, in his.

mariah is raging
she does not want to be here
she does not want to be here

she has torn apart the church bulletin
and scribbled the inaudible melodies of a christmas tree
two stick figures and three presents
and her name, proudly copywritten at the top

hidden in this furnace of doubt
i am as vacant as the bricks that cement me to this ache

i can not leave
but i can’t stay here

“I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my eyes and all is born again.”

2 thoughts on “ceiling without a star

  1. i have no idea what you have been through to bring you here, to make you feel this way.but i know that church can be the most suffocating place ever. and i’m sorry for whatever has happened to cause you this pain.church is meant to be rejuvenating, not suffocating.life giving, not life draining.hopefully for you it will be again one day not too far from now.

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